Repost: Cleaning

Reposts are from a blog I started when my girls were younger. I've changed nothing about their content so you can read my thinking process when my girls were younger.  This post on cleaning still applies accurately describes my thoughts on cleaning, even the girls are no longer 4 and 6. 

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Cleaning 

Generally I clean the bathroom on Mondays. Vacuum the downstairs on Fridays. Etc. Sometimes though I need to be flexible, and I have learned to do this. Sometimes I clean the bathroom on Wednesday. And if I skip too many days and I know company is coming on Friday, I wait until Friday morning. No sense in overdoing things.

Yet, regardless of when I do the cleaning, so often it is right before an unknown mess. For example, one Friday I vacuumed the carpets and cleaned the wood floors on a day when I knew the weather called for sun for the whole weekend. I thought I was being smart and would have pretty floors for longer. I didn't know the young man who lives with us  was having a guys night out in my house that night. Single guys mostly, with dirty shoes and careless habits. You know how the story goes.


Or sometimes the day after I clean the bathroom is the day T decides to give himself a haircut. He is a good husband and tries not to leave a mess. But there are still little pieces of stiff black hair clinging to every corner and crevice.


And inevitably if the girls are going to get the stomach flu and vomit in their bed, it is the day after I just washed their sheets.


You know how this story. It's the never ending quest of a mom to have a clean house. Some of us are more successful than others in this area, but I doubt any of us ever meet our desired level of cleanliness for more than an hour (if anyone is home). If I don't guard my heart, all the cleaning and re cleaning can make me mad. What I've come to realize though is that the day there is no one to unclean my house will be a sad one. Either everyone will have moved out, or much worse, they are doing nothing but watching TV. I've heard a story of a widow who, after the death of a husband, left a shirt on the bed post (the very shirt she spent years picking up and putting away) because it comforted her. So I will keep cleaning; thankful I can bless my family in this way. I'm no fool though I am always working to find ways to make them more involved in the process.


One other thing, if I don't pick up the bits of the day scattered around my house each night, the messes won't stop happening, but it will be more unpleasant to be in my house. And one of my greatest desires is for my family to love being at home. Keep cleaning friends. And remember cleanliness is NOT next to Godliness.

Repost: Princess Analysis

Princess Analysis

Reposts are from a blog I started when my girls were younger. I've changed nothing about their content so you can read my thinking process when my girls were younger. "Princesses Analysis" was the most read post ever on my blog. To mothers of young girls who worry about such things. RELAX. From three years later, I would say, yes, talk to your girls about the myths of princesshood, but let them play. My Bird, who really really really loved dresses is now an athletic girl, always wearing athletic clothing, tennis shoes and t-shirts. Once in a while though, she still loves to sparkle!

Since taking their first steps, my girls have amused family, friends, and neighbors with excessive displays of all that is fancy: shiny shoes, sequins, twirly dresses, jewelry, and layers of tulle. I suspect my retired neighbors had many head shakes when we first moved in as they looked out their windows and saw my girls dancing, skipping, and twirling outside in tutus, princess dresses, and cat costumes.

Bird  started having strong opinions about her clothing at 2 ½ when my mom bought her a long blue dress with cherries on it. She suddenly would not let me pick out her clothing and preferred to only wear the cherry dress. For a while I made her wear pants every other day so we would not waste all the nice clothes family had purchased for her. For whatever reason, God made Bird to love beautiful, fancy clothing. Her tendencies certainly don’t come from the way I dress. Bug, being the little sister, has followed in Bird’s footsteps. The girls feel beautiful if their clothing is beautiful.

Such an early attraction to clothing and fancy things alarmed me. And Disney wasn’t helping. They put fancily-clad princesses on everything from toothbrushes and fruit snacks to lunch boxes and clothing. Neither is the general population who often greeted my young girls with phrases like, "You must be a princess." And so began my first real clash with culture. My girls pined to watch princess movies. They begged to wear their princess dress-up clothes. None of this seems so bad, but the subtle messages of the princess movies and the way my girls equated looking beautiful to goodness and virtue alarmed me. I didn’t think it wise to ban princesses entirely. So I tried education and redirection.

I allowed my girls to watch some of the Disney princess movies, if they were not too scary. I read to them short book versions of the famous tales so they would be familiar with the stories. I shared my opinions too.

“Mommy doesn’t like Sleeping Beauty, ” I would tell them. Of course they want to know why I wouldn’t love this beautiful princess dressed in pink. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are not admirable princesses in my opinion. They sing well, fall under evil spells and get rescued by princes to live happily ever after. Cinderella is better as she is kind to the people who treat her like dirt. But I bristle at the end where marrying the prince equals happy ever after. Belle is my favorite Disney princess. Belle has admirable qualities: intelligence(she loves books), sacrificial love for her father (she voluntarily trades places with him in the Beast's prison). She is not fooled by the antics of the handsome man and is able to see goodness in the literal face of the ugly. Ariel is the worst as she spends the entire movie disobeying her father. The movie makes her rebellious decisions seem like the right thing by implying Eric will bring forever happiness. I hope my opinions have helped counter the messages of the movie. My girls know that being pretty princesses does not equal automatic admiration.

I’ve also tried to redirect the girls’ interests somewhat. I have allowed dress up clothing so I don’t totally squash who they are. But I tend to encourage animal play, art work and imagination through the toys I purchase or request for holidays. T does his part by complementing their natural beauty when they are in jeans or PJs (and not withholding complements on special occasions) and by telling made-up stories about a princess who does things like give away her fancy clothes to peasants who are shivering and wears her PJs everywhere instead.

Some people think I over analyze this issue. My girls are so young. Relax they say. I can’t. I may never know if my efforts to educate really made any difference. Bird has a natural bend toward the romantic idealism of the princess world that I feel a need to combat. I want her to draw her strength and joy from Christ and not expect it from beauty or the companionship of a man. In writing my thoughts, maybe there a mom reading this who hasn’t thought about the “beauty and prince = happily ever after” messages of the princess movie. Maybe they should. And maybe you have a boy or a girl who doesn't care about fancy clothes or princesses, you can breath a sigh of relief on this one.

Oh and if you want another earful, you can ask me my opinions about the Barbie princess movies.I have lots of them=).

Repost: Nuances of Behavior

Reposts are from a blog I started when my girls were younger. I've changed nothing about their content so you can read my thinking process when my girls were younger.

When Bug started playing soccer, I was struck by discrepancies in parents' language. Four-year-olds have been told most of their life---share, don't grab, don't be rough. Then we put them on the soccer field and start telling them to steal the ball, don't let that other girl get the ball, break through the mob(aka be rough). One teammate last fall consistently cried early in the season because the other girls weren't sharing. Well honey, I'm afraid the rules change in life more often than anyone will tell you.


Soccer isn't the only place where our carefully taught lessons run amuck. I remember when Bird was toddling, she kept sharing her sippy cup with other kids. I wondered how confusing it was for her to have me praise toy sharing and yell "NO!" with sippy cup sharing.

And this morning Bird accused Bug of lying. Bug was playfully poking Bird when her back was turned and then denying the poke. Bird was mad because she knew who had poked her. 


I tried to explain that adults play this same game. They tickle a kid or hide a toy behind a back and claim to have no part in the event. Then they do it again when the child's not looking. It's more like playing a trick than lying I told Bird. Often, adults push these games just to the point of upsetting a kid. Why do we do this?


I rethought my answer and my many admonitions to stop doing something if your sister doesn't like it.  The line of appropriateness can be faint, a bit mobile and so hard to explain.