Sarah, I am so proud of you. Thank you for sharing. Please encourage her, dear readers, with your comments.
When my dear friend Laura asked me to
write a post about how to support a friend who is going
through a divorce, I thought, sure, I can do that. But then I
realized, no, I don’t know anything about other people's situations – they are all unique. But I do know how the people God brought into my life ministered to me and how that helped me
through the pain and struggles of divorce.
Six years ago, when I was going through
the divorce, my children were very young (pre-school). My husband was pursuing a relationship with another woman,
ending our marriage. At the time, I had a narrow network of
support – I had put all my emotional energy into my marriage. But God gathered people around me, from my church and
from out of the blue, and He blessed and encouraged me through them.
I felt marked, like I was wearing a big
red letter “S” during the separation, then a big red “D”
after the divorce. Divorce? Me? I struggled with being a divorced
person and how the Christian community would respond to me. I was
most blessed by the friends who mourned with me, but did not judge me
for my situation. People I didn’t know as well blessed me by
sending cards expressing their support and love.
If you know someone going through a
separation and divorce, call them and let them know, by telling them,
that you are there for them if they need anything. If you don’t
know them as well, send them a card offering your love, prayers, and
support.
I felt discarded and unlovable. The
sadness was always there. It was a day-to-day struggle with sadness, pain, and loneliness. The friends who blessed me
most were faithful in their friendship. They actively loved me, sought me out, called to check on me, persevered despite my self-absorption. Friends who blessed me
during that time listened, encouraged, and cared, but they also
shared their lives with me and helped me get outside my
situation and myself. They allowed me to serve them
(host, watch their children, etc.). It was healing for me to be valuable in someone else’s life.
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| Sarah blessed me by inviting my family over to celebrate MY birthday. She made the whole meal, accommodating all the food restrictions in my family.....gluten free and sugar free. It was better than a gift wrapped with a pretty bow. |
Be persistent. Keep initiating. Keep
reaching out. Listen and be supportive, but be
real. Don’t hide your own life and struggles. Also share and let
them be a friend to you.
I was brokenhearted over the divorce's impact on
my children. Every week when they went for the
overnight with their dad, my heart broke again. Huge blessings came from friends who made a
point to invite me over (or invite themselves over to my place) when
my children were with their dad. One time, I remember feeling brokenhearted, sad, worried for my children--mourning their
pain, distraught at the loss of my
dreams for the family life I wanted them to have. I was crying
uncontrollably and needed a friend. I called my dear friend Laura. As
soon as she heard my tears, she said, “I’m coming over.” She
came, she sat with me on the couch as I cried. And she didn’t say
anything. That was so healing and comforting for me. She
listened, cried with me, and hugged me. She blessed me with her
caring presence.
Let them cry. You can’t fix it, so
don’t try. And you probably don’t understand their pain and
that’s OK. But you can be there and be a physical, tangible
expression of God’s love to them.
Thank you, Lord, for the many people
you put in my life to encourage and comfort me. Thank you, Lord, for
the many friendships that have come out of that time. I am so
blessed, so enriched by the lives you brought to touch mine.
