Alternative Princess stories

I fretted about my girls and their love of princesses (read about those frets here and here) for years.  I wasn't sure if their young hearts would pick up the subtle messages of those stories. As a story lover,  I wanted them to know the stories because they are a part of our culture. As a mom, the messages of "happiness is finding a prince" and "look beautiful and dress fancy no matter what" disturbed me. By the time I started thinking seriously about these issues, they had seen every Disney princess movie except Snow White and Sleeping Beauty (the dragon was way too scary for my oldest who has a very vivid visual memory). Not wanting to ban the princesses, I searched for other, less traditional princess stories to share with my kids.

 I've listed the alternative stories below using links to Amazon, but I want you to use your library. I think you should check these books out of the library and only if you love the story and want to read with your girl over and over again should you buy it. And if your library doesn't have it, get it through interlibrary loan or ask them to order it. Over 70% of the time that I ask, they say, "It will take about two weeks to get it into our system." That's saves me space and money. Enough of my library soapbox,  these are modern fairy tales and as such, you could pick apart the faults of the stories if you wish, but my girls loved them and I liked the alternative framework and talking points they provided.

Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots? 

 by Carmela La Vigna Coyle

This is the first alternative princess book you might read. It is aimed at the younger crowd of 2-4. It isn't really a story as much as a poem about what a princess can do...which is really just about anything. It is a cute story with fun illustrations. If you love it, check out the other books in the series, Do Princesses Really Kiss Frogs? and Do Princesses Scrape Their Knees? 

Princess Madison and the Royal Darling Pageant 

by Karen Linamen

A dear friend, knowing I was struggling with the power of Disney princesses, found this book for my girls. It's a beautiful book aimed at 4-8 year-olds and a bit longer than most books for little girls which makes it a great sick day, snuggle book. It redefines the life of a typical princess and helps the reader understand that a princess doesn't get her rank from beauty, good manners, or even conversation skills. Her father is the reason she is a princess. And yes, the book will lead you right into the discussion of being God's princess. There are two more books in the Princess Madison series; we have not read them, but I've put them on our list since I just discovered them today!

The Princess and the Kiss 

by Jennie Bishop

This book has all the sap and beauty of a traditional princesses story. But retold with God as part of the story. The princess's "kiss," a sort of glowing thing in a little bag, is the precious gift she will one day give her husband. She must save it for him. The princess sees that most of her suitors would not value her kiss or were not worthy of it. When a common man asks to see the princess, he tells about his humble life and how he has watched and prayed for a wife. He offers her his kiss (again in a glowing bag). The two are married. While the story isn't perfect, it offers a fun way to start a conversation about the future prince in your daughter's life.

The Princess and the Three Knights 

 by Karen Kingsbury

The King holds a contest to find a husband for his daughter. He designs a competition "to determine which knights possess great courage and strength, deep loyalty and kindness, and most of all a deep faith in God." Three knights are left by the last test. They must pretend they are carrying the princess and see how close they can get to the edge of a cliff without going over. *spoiler alert*The winner is the one who says he would not go near the cliff with the princess. The story is sweet and I love the role of the king in choosing a knight and the daughter's willingness to trust him. This story is the prettiest of the books, with the fanciest princess and most beautiful illustrations. 

The Paper Bag Princess 

 by Robert N Munsch

A friend recommended this book years ago. I forgot about it until just now. But I put it on our list of "to read" books because I love the idea of a story where girls learn that men who only value their looks are a waste of time. Do I hear an amen? Here's the summary from Amazon:"Elizabeth, a beautiful princess, lives in a castle and wears fancy clothes. Just when she is about to marry Prince Ronald, a dragon smashes her castle, burns her clothes with his fiery breath, and prince-naps her dear Ronald. Undaunted and presumably unclad, she dons a large paper bag and sets off to find the dragon and her cherished prince. Once she's tracked down the rascally reptile, she flatters him into performing all sorts of dragonly stunts that eventually exhaust him, allowing her to rescue Prince Ronald. But what does Prince Not-So-Charming say when he sees her? "You smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you are dressed like a real princess." (At least he has the courtesy not to mention that the princess's crown resembles a dying sea anemone.) In any case, let's just say that Princess Elizabeth and Prince Ronald do not, under any circumstances, live happily ever after. Canadian author Robert Munsch celebrates feisty females everywhere with this popular favorite, and Michael Martchenko's scratchy, comical, pen-and-ink drawings capture the tongue-in-cheek quality of this read-aloud crowd pleaser. (Ages 4 to 8) --Karin Snelson "

Sarcastic view of princesses

Today I have a visual for you. Last week I reposted from an old blog my thoughts on princesses. Disney princesses caused me much worry as I wondered what underlying messages they sent. I could see good themes in their story but I wondered about their subtle messages of disobeying your dad to meet a boy and the way the princesses always wore beautiful clothing and even if  the wind was knocking down trees, their hair was beautiful. What about the way they always had happy endings with a boy they really hadn't spoken to? I worried and worried. How deep would these messages embed themselves in my little girls? My friend Lisa sent me a graphic she saw on Facebook. It made me laugh. It's sarcastic but sums up my worries well. On Friday and Monday I'll explain what I pursued in lieu of Disney princesses and how it affected the girls. For now, enjoy the graphic below:

Repost: Princess Analysis

Princess Analysis

Reposts are from a blog I started when my girls were younger. I've changed nothing about their content so you can read my thinking process when my girls were younger. "Princesses Analysis" was the most read post ever on my blog. To mothers of young girls who worry about such things. RELAX. From three years later, I would say, yes, talk to your girls about the myths of princesshood, but let them play. My Bird, who really really really loved dresses is now an athletic girl, always wearing athletic clothing, tennis shoes and t-shirts. Once in a while though, she still loves to sparkle!

Since taking their first steps, my girls have amused family, friends, and neighbors with excessive displays of all that is fancy: shiny shoes, sequins, twirly dresses, jewelry, and layers of tulle. I suspect my retired neighbors had many head shakes when we first moved in as they looked out their windows and saw my girls dancing, skipping, and twirling outside in tutus, princess dresses, and cat costumes.

Bird  started having strong opinions about her clothing at 2 ½ when my mom bought her a long blue dress with cherries on it. She suddenly would not let me pick out her clothing and preferred to only wear the cherry dress. For a while I made her wear pants every other day so we would not waste all the nice clothes family had purchased for her. For whatever reason, God made Bird to love beautiful, fancy clothing. Her tendencies certainly don’t come from the way I dress. Bug, being the little sister, has followed in Bird’s footsteps. The girls feel beautiful if their clothing is beautiful.

Such an early attraction to clothing and fancy things alarmed me. And Disney wasn’t helping. They put fancily-clad princesses on everything from toothbrushes and fruit snacks to lunch boxes and clothing. Neither is the general population who often greeted my young girls with phrases like, "You must be a princess." And so began my first real clash with culture. My girls pined to watch princess movies. They begged to wear their princess dress-up clothes. None of this seems so bad, but the subtle messages of the princess movies and the way my girls equated looking beautiful to goodness and virtue alarmed me. I didn’t think it wise to ban princesses entirely. So I tried education and redirection.

I allowed my girls to watch some of the Disney princess movies, if they were not too scary. I read to them short book versions of the famous tales so they would be familiar with the stories. I shared my opinions too.

“Mommy doesn’t like Sleeping Beauty, ” I would tell them. Of course they want to know why I wouldn’t love this beautiful princess dressed in pink. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are not admirable princesses in my opinion. They sing well, fall under evil spells and get rescued by princes to live happily ever after. Cinderella is better as she is kind to the people who treat her like dirt. But I bristle at the end where marrying the prince equals happy ever after. Belle is my favorite Disney princess. Belle has admirable qualities: intelligence(she loves books), sacrificial love for her father (she voluntarily trades places with him in the Beast's prison). She is not fooled by the antics of the handsome man and is able to see goodness in the literal face of the ugly. Ariel is the worst as she spends the entire movie disobeying her father. The movie makes her rebellious decisions seem like the right thing by implying Eric will bring forever happiness. I hope my opinions have helped counter the messages of the movie. My girls know that being pretty princesses does not equal automatic admiration.

I’ve also tried to redirect the girls’ interests somewhat. I have allowed dress up clothing so I don’t totally squash who they are. But I tend to encourage animal play, art work and imagination through the toys I purchase or request for holidays. T does his part by complementing their natural beauty when they are in jeans or PJs (and not withholding complements on special occasions) and by telling made-up stories about a princess who does things like give away her fancy clothes to peasants who are shivering and wears her PJs everywhere instead.

Some people think I over analyze this issue. My girls are so young. Relax they say. I can’t. I may never know if my efforts to educate really made any difference. Bird has a natural bend toward the romantic idealism of the princess world that I feel a need to combat. I want her to draw her strength and joy from Christ and not expect it from beauty or the companionship of a man. In writing my thoughts, maybe there a mom reading this who hasn’t thought about the “beauty and prince = happily ever after” messages of the princess movie. Maybe they should. And maybe you have a boy or a girl who doesn't care about fancy clothes or princesses, you can breath a sigh of relief on this one.

Oh and if you want another earful, you can ask me my opinions about the Barbie princess movies.I have lots of them=).

Fuel: Little Girls or Little Women

My gut tells me that the sexuality of girls and women is increasing. I can never prove it. It's just a general knowledge, a kind of, this-has-to-be-true knowledge. But sometimes the task of protecting my girls and guarding their hearts is overwhelming. As my girls grow, I can't hold them next to my side all day long so sometimes I throw up my hands and do the worst possible thing....nothing. Then a friend hands me an article, saying she thinks I will want to read it. And there, in a national publication, are the stats to support my gut. I am leery of stats though. You can find a stat to support just about any view point. Still, the article made me want to tell someone, "I knew it!" The article jolted me back to the importance of my job as a mom; it reignited my determination to guide and protect my girls, to teach them to be discerning.
Be fueled!
Little Girls or Little Women: The Disney Princess Effect